The Snow

Fifteen inches of snow and all I get to do is study for finals . . .

The Day After

I’m trying really hard not to do my little, “we won” smile and dance.  I’m trying really hard, but it’s just not working.  It is just a little too fun to go to law school the day after an election in a swing state.  MO has done their part, now we just have to begin the arduous process of waiting to find out what happens in those last two states.  And I have to set up my dinner at Murray’s (with wine) that I won from my McCaskill bet with a fellow law student.  

And on a cosmic symbolic note – On November 3, 2004, the day after the last Presidential election, I began looking for a new career.  That very day, while I googled my options an advertisement came up to take the LSATs.  The deadline?  November 4.  Well we all know how that turned out.  But today, on November 8, 2006, the day after the Dems took the house (and possibly the senate) for the first time since 1994, I accepted a position (for the summer, although it will hopefully become my after graduation job) with a law firm in a blue state!  But more on that later. . .

Oh, and kudos to Dems in IN for gaining three seats in Congress!  I’m glad you could do it without my vote, because I was clearly needed here!  

The Halloween

A Halloween dream come true. Kudos to Daniel for volunteering to dress up in the dorky Raggedy Andy costume so that I could finally be Raggedy Ann.

The Q

Why is Q so misplaced in the alphabet?

Doesn’t it seem as though it belongs at the end of the alphabet with the other often not used letters like X Y Z?

Q is so much more like these letters and yet it lives right there in the middle near M and N, whom I use much more often.

It even comes before S and T – who honestly should be much closer to the beginning.

But it is entirely the placement of Q that makes no sense to me.

Richard Wright

Recently I watched Charles Holt’s one-man production of an adaptation of Richard Wright’s Black Boy.  I don’t know how much of my love for the show was influenced by my love for the book, but I sat entranced as this one man brought to life 20 or more different characters.  I felt Richard’s hunger, isolation, passion, drive.  I think the play was brilliant because much of the dialogue was actually from the text and was very true to Richard’s gift of words.  After the play concluded, I turned to my neighbor and said, “Doesn’t that make you want to go write something?”

The Negligent Blogger

I can’t believe what a negligent blogger I have become. Mostly it is because so much is happening so quickly, that there is no way to take the time to write it all down. The second year of law school is stupendous even though I am busier than I ever thought I could be. And yet it is the kind of busy that I love – actually doing things. I am also traversing the state weekly for job interviews for next summer and I am following up on a few opportunities in Chicago and D.C. as well. And of course, like the first year, I feel like I am learning so much that my brain might explode – I feel so intellectually challenged – which doesn’t sound like a good thing, but it is! I am filled with more hope, excitement, and passion about the future than I have been since last year. So if you pass by here, and notice that I haven’t written, know that it is because things are going better than they have yet on this law school adventure. I will try to fill in the bits and pieces on my next visit to Bloomington – THIS SATURDAY!!! See you then!

The Baby

Baby DeFelice arrived today. Congratulations to Gene and Pamela on their DAUGHTER, Kira. And although I have not seen a picture yet, I hear she is healthy, gorgeous and has Daddy’s brown eyes already! Now I have to make a trip to Bloomington soon!

The News

A quick break in my twelve hour day and I check my messages. Gene called. His message? “Hey Anne, I’ve got news. Call me back.” So I call him back, sure that Baby DeFelice has arrived. I get Pam on the phone, and ask her frantically, “Is baby DeFelice here?” She puts Gene on the phone. The news?

The first few weeks of middle school were a disaster.

FRD has gone to live with Becky.

I patiently await the unfolding of the details over the next few weeks.

The Reflection

The Lawyering Vent

I’m having a horrible, terrible, no good, very bad attitude about lawyering (not the class – the profession), and I am hopeful that if I vent, it will go away.  So, PLEASE taking this in the light that it is meant (a bad day reflection on my chosen career).  Here are this weeks overarching, stereotypical, conclusions about lawyers:  

1. Lawyers (as a whole) are not sewn from the same socially supportive fabric as teachers.  I draw this conclusion, not actually from any recent experience in the law school, as I am immersed in the environment and that closeness sometimes keeps me from noticing what is missing.  But rather, I draw that conclusion from my experience outside the law school, in Philosophic Theories of Education, where I find myself suddenly able to breathe.  (And I add the disclaimer that I am in no way passionate about learning philosophic theories of education – on the contrary, I have already found myself yawning through a discussion of relativism)

1. In a class this week I learned that it is without doubt that some time during my career my own ethics will conflict with the requirements of my profession and at that nexus I will have to make the choice between staying with or leaving the profession.  Strangely, I don’t remember that discussion in my education to be a teacher or even an anthropologist.  I don’t remember ever being told that someday I would be required to do something that I thought was morally and ethically wrong.

The Start of the Second Year

Tomorrow the law school will explode with orientation for the new group of 1Ls. Which means I’m about a week away from starting my second year of law school. Well, I actually started my externship at the Missouri School Board Association today. I love my new chair and I now have yet another email address!

I have high hopes for the new semester! As well as taking 16 credit hours, I will be on Law Review and a TA for Legal Research and Writing. A TA is pretty much like an AI at IU, except without the tuition waiver. I know it’s going to be a busy semester, but I’m excited about my classes. In addition to the externship, I am taking Constitutional Law, Education Law, Professional Responsibility, Philosophic Theories of Education, and Fall Moot Court.

So after much reflection, web surfing, and numerous conversations with mentors and friends, I’m trying to steer this crazy legal career thing. It’s just a seedling of an idea, but I’m thinking about education public policy as a place to start. I decided on this after researching my dream job and working backwards. I am frantically researching Washington DC law firms for a job for next summer.

Now if someone would just kick me in the butt and make me keep this blog updated!! Sometimes I have so much to write that I end up writing nothing at all.

The Hair

Hey! Hey! Who let those two kids stand on stepstools so they APPEAR taller than I do? Yes, it appears that both FRD and Teenage Aerin plan to tower over me in the years to come.

While we were on vacation, Teenage Aerin decided to do her first temporary hair dye. I of course, feel obligated to memorialize it here. By the way, these last two entries might be a little deceptive, as I’ve been back in Columbia for four days now. I just HAVE to catch up on all the fun vacation stuff and then I can return to blogging about my new thoughts about lawyering (which my spell check reminds me is not a word). And believe me there are lots of new thoughts!

The Forrest

FRD joined us in Florida on the afternoon of July 10. He flew to Florida with Becky and Terry and River. In one of the more surreal moments of my life, I stood at our beach house, doing a FRD transfer. Becky, enthusiastic about her first trip to the beach, whipped out the point and shoot. She huddled FRD and River next to the car and then in a surprising twist, she encouraged me to join in the photo. “You know, I don’t think we have you in any of our pictures. We really should.”

And then they were off. Well, not really off. In fact they only went about two miles down the beach. Yes, Becky decided to have her family vacation just down the beach from my family vacation. At the exact same time as my family vacation. FRD stayed with her upon arrival and then for three more days at the end. He spent Monday through Friday with us. At one point, he asked me, “Why does my mom act like she likes you now?” As always, this type of deep probing question requires a reflective, well thought out answer. So, instead of shrugging both my shoulders at the same time, I shrugged one shoulder and then the other shoulder. He may be thinking about that for weeks.

We all loved the time with FRD. He is truly a changed character. He talked with Grandpa David at length about where salt comes from and went to see Pirates of the Caribbean with Grandma Ellen. Of course, Mother Nature decided that I hadn’t done enough parenting recently, so she blighted him with strep throat and he spent two days in bed.

We also gave him lots of practice for the upcoming arrival of Baby DeFelice. Teenage Aerin advised, “Pretend you don’t smell the stinky diapers so you don’t have to change them.” Seriously, FRD was incredible with Baby Rachel. She named him Fooshky and called out to him every time he left the room. The more time he spent with her, the more palpable his excitement for being a big brother became.

It was so wonderful for me to have this time with FRD. At the same time that I realize how fabulous he’s doing where he is and how it is the right place for him, I’m also far enough away from parenting that I’ve forgotten most of the struggles and long for the good times. I fondly remember when it was just the two of us and we would trek back and forth up and down Fess Street from home to school to home and back again.

The Fireworks

If I forgot to mention it. . . I’ve flown the coop. I can do my research job long distance and I finished everything very early at DESE so they don’t need me back for a while. I decided to leave a little early for the family Florida vacation. Of course, when I decided to leave early, my dad decided to see if he could leave early, so he and my mom came with me. Then my brother decided that he could leave a little early and do the work on his house after he got back, so his whole family joined us too. This means, I guess, that instead of me coming early to the family Florida vacation, I somehow just moved when it would occur. Since we were in Florida for July 4, I was able to fulfill a lifelong desire to photograph the fireworks over the ocean. This is the first one I worked on, but I am very happy with the results.

The Lawn Mower

Baby Rachel is TWO today. While unwrapping presents, she became enthralled with this bubble making lawn mower. So enthralled, in fact, that she refused to stop playing with it to open the rest of her presents. Instead, nine adults and one teenager, just watched her wheel around the room. As we tried to persuade her to open the rest of her presents, Teenage Aerin suggested, “Maybe there’s another lawn mower.” Baby Rachel stopped short, spun around and ran over to the box the lawn mower had arrived in. She tipped it and peered inside. Disappointed that there was, in fact, not another lawn mower, she returned to mowing the living room floor, oblivious of the rest of the neatly wrapped presents. Kudos to MooMoo and Bapie for having the hit birthday present two years running.

Overheard Conversation II

The setting:  A campus computer lab
The speakers:  Two young men between 22-25

Young man 1(ym1):  No look at this. . .
Young man2(ym2):  What?
Ym1:  Another girl from my high school
Ym2:  Man
Ym1:  I know.  She got fat!  (chortles)
Ym2 (laughs)
Ym1:  She had a cute face back in high school.  Now she’s fat.
Ym2 (laughs)
Ym1:  They all blew up.  Every girl that I dated from high school apparently blew up.  (laughing)
Ym2: wow.
Ym1:  I’m serious.  The only one who hasn’t blown up is the blonde I cheated on. (laughs)

And so it continued, as the two young men laughed and made disparaging comments about the weight of young women.  I am even more of a social action coward since Overheard Conversation I.  I can no longer articulate what I would even want to say.  I just sat at my own computer and pretended not to hear.  Worse, I did hear, and throughout the day, I questioned my own annoyance at this conversation.  This type of conversation seems so much more normal to me than it did a year ago.  I reflect, again, on whether I am too judgmental.  I also reflect again on the challenge of ‘disrupting the commonplace’ outside of the relative safety of the classroom community.

The Threes

Today I became 33. I’m not exactly excited about the double threes, as threes have never been my favorite number. But I suppose I must embrace them for these next 12 months. So here are three lists:

Three things I did for fun on my birthday:

1. Manicure/pedicure (for three fingers – and three toes – ha ha)


2. Picked out three new necklace pendants


3. Ate three times more cake than I should have

Three things that I wish for myself in during the next year:

1. Inner peace from self reflection


2. Finding my passion and pursuing it


3. Friendships

My three favorite intertwining books (all by Lois Lowry)

1. The Giver


2. Gathering Blue


3. Messenger

The Grandmother

On Monday June 5, I drove six hours to Bloomington, arriving just in time to meet with the after school gang. I went out to eat with FRD and whipped his whole family in a game of monopoly. As I was leaving FRD’s house, I got the call.

An adventurer. A world traveler.

My grandmother had a massive stroke and was bleeding into her brain. FRD told me, “Go. This is so much more important than graduation.” And so I checked out of the hotel I had checked into only hours before, and got in the car at 11:00 at night, knowing that I would miss FRD graduating from the sixth grade. I drove up to Indy, picked up Michael and we drove through the night back to STL. We talked in the car for the first time since January. Our healing began as our grandmother died. She was dead by the time we arrived at 5:30 AM. We went straight to the hospital, where my parents and uncle and cousin had been sitting throughout the night

A photographer. A sculptor.

In the days after her death, I spent a lot of time with my family. And part of me was thankful that this, the death of my last grandparent, occurred at a time when I could take a week to be with them. In this time, I got to know my youngest cousin and I can only hope that the closeness we developed during this time will carry on without my grandmother’s presence to bind us. In this time, I got to know the Baby Rachel that I have been waiting so long to know. And in this time, I got to finally heal the rift between my brother and myself, finding a new relationship that can withstand loss and grief as well as happiness and joy.

A doctor. An Acupuncturist. An architect.

We all talked a lot about my grandmother during that week. I don’t imagine many children grew up with a grandmother like mine. She was not what you would imagine as a grandmother in almost any sense of the word. Her divergence from this image of grandmother is beyond description. To think of her, as she was and as she never would be, brings a smile to my face.

An Inventor. A fighter.

The Polacco SRA Scandal

There is this whole Patricia Polacco / SRA McGraw Hill thing going on that has been occupying my brain as of late.

Basically, Patricia Polacco (noted children’s author) signed a contract to be a speaker at the IRA conference. She admittedly did not read the contract and was unaware that it was with the arch nemesis of all educators - SRA/McGraw Hill. The contract (as shown here) did include guidelines about her speeches, but they were somewhat vague, limiting her to two speeches on her “heroes” and two speeches on “tales and talk.” Apparently, shortly before the conference, SRA/MCGraw Hill required copies of Ms. Polacco’s speeches and required her to eliminate references to No Child Left Behind. They insisted that the speeches must be "upbeat, non-political, and non-controversial."

When Ms. Polacco refused to comply, SRA/McGraw Hill cancelled her contract. I don’t think they have much of a legal leg to stand on. There is no reason that the guidelines of the contract couldn't be followed while still discussing NCLB. It is possible (and even likely) to discuss one's hereos within the context of the present NCLB classroom environment. In fact it could be positively motivational. Also, I did not read anything in the contract allowing SRA/McGraw Hill the right of pre-approval of the speeches.

But I do think that the next speaker’s contract from SRA/McGraw Hill will most definitely include a clause limiting mention to the horrific piece of legislation otherwise known as NCLB. Beware future speakers!! You can contract your rights away. I just don't think Ms. Polacco did.

It is noteworthy that the only people that like this legislation are the people getting rich off of it. Perhaps it should be called: Leaving the same children behind, but making the textbook companies a hell of a lot richer in the process.

The Possum

Ode to the possum:

You used to sit and eat at our back door
Content to laugh while Molly slammed
Against the glass and begged for war
Now you’re squished and in the street
We felt your absence this last week

The Mess

My kitchen counter is piled with empty wrappers, paper plates, and plastic bags.  The floor of my living area is scattered with piles of papers and binders related to each subject area that I have finished an examination in.  My table is filled with lawyering materials:  outlines, class notes, flow charts to prepare me for the six hour take home exam on Friday.  I think time is going to be a real issue during the take home exam.  If there are four questions, and I spend an hour on each question, that only leaves two hours to review, revise, edit and travel to the law school to turn the exam in.  Now, you might think that an hour per question seems like a long time, but to be honest, we’ve never had an essay exam with a question that takes less than an hour (and sometimes they take two hours).  Additionally, we have the added constraint of a page limit (I think), which means that review and revision are going to be pivotal to fitting everything in.  I’m not trying to complain, I just want to honestly assess what the six hours will be like, rather than having the mentality that I have “all day” to work on it.  At any rate, I am very nearly officially done with my first year of law school and two full weeks of finals hell.    

The Game

Please. . . take my advice. . . do not spend hours playing this game. Seriously, it’s not that much fun. Besides, it is beyond your capabilities to beat my high score of 972M. Since you won’t go play, you don’t need to know that you click and hold down the left mouse button to shoot a rope and let go to go flying; click again to attach again, before falling to the depths below. But, you won’t be playing anyway. . .well back to studying. . .

Elijah

Tomorrow I have a Civil Procedure exam and Elijah will be in surgery. Once again, Elijah has helped me to have a little perspective on life. Elijah is a big part of the reason that I am in Columbia. Seeing everything Shane and Heather went through and all their family support helped me to realize that I wanted to be closer to my own family. If you have even a little extra money, please donate it to Elijah’s March of Dimes Walk America Team. They are only a little bit away from raising 2000 dollars. And whether you have any money or not, please take a moment to think positive thoughts for Elijah tomorrow. I know I will be thinking of him!

The Extra Stuff

Today I got to be the comic relief for some fellow law students. The reason? The things that I bring into the four hour exam. It’s funny, I suppose, but I never even thought twice about it. It is clearly a leftover from years of field trips and step-parenting. It’s funny how you can never get rid of that “be prepared for everything” mentality. You never know misery until you have been on a walking field trip with twenty-five kids and no band-aids. Or until you find yourself on an afternoon hike with four year old FRD and no snack. So now I present, for you laughing pleasure, what I’m thinking when I decide what to set out on my table space during a four hour exam:

• First there’s the notes. If it’s an open note exam, I bring them all. I print out every case brief, every note, every outline that I’ve done. I organize them all in a binder with tabs and colored highlighting. I’ve only opened that binder once during an exam, but boy was I glad I had it then. I knew that I had read something in a case that applied to the problem, so I checked my handy dandy case list, turned to the appropriate page in my binder and ripped the page out for a quick perusal. Truthfully, just going through the organization process of printing everything, reading everything, making outlines and graphs and charts, and lists and table of contents for outlines is pretty much the only thing I do to study. Once I’ve made all that crap, I rarely look at it again. But just in case I want to, it’s all there with me, sitting next to my laptop while I furiously try to type something coherent during the exam. (Admittedly, the notes aren’t the funny part. . . but they are part of the overall picture).


• Highlighters: I like to have a lot of them, because I like to use different colors to highlight different things, so I pretty much just bring a big pile of them in.


• Several pens. . . I mean come on. . . what if one of them ran out of ink during my exam. . .keep reading. . .I’ll get to the funny stuff


• I also keep a few different shapes and sizes of post-it notes out. Okay, I’ve never actually used a post-it note during an exam, but you never know when you might need a post it note.


• Okay. . . . I also like to have a bottle of water. . . and a bottle of diet coke. The water is in case I get thirsty. The diet coke is in case I need a caffeine buzz. I don’t actually drink caffeine (for many years now) so when I do it’s like a drug. A totally legal, pick-me-up during four hours of essay writing? Who wouldn’t want that?


• Now of course, I also like to have a snack. I mean can you imagine taking an exam and suddenly finding yourself ravishingly hungry and then having to sit there for three and a half more hours? I’d die! So I keep a pile of chocolate (in case it’s near the end and I just need the sugar/caffeine buzz to push me on through) and a more substantial snack (like pretzels, in case the hunger hits early on and I need something to fill me up). I can’t say that I ever used the pretzels, but I often eat the chocolate during the exam. During the torts exam last semester I believe that I ate 10 Hershey kisses. It was our last exam and my body just didn’t feel like it would make it.


• Yes, I also keep chap stick and hand lotion out. Stop laughing and read my reason. I mean can you imagine realizing half way through an exam that your lips are chapped or hands are cracked? I wouldn’t be able to concentrate on anything else. I would just sit there, licking my lips forgetting everything I know about the subject, just aching for some chap stick. Hasn’t happened to me yet. . . but it could. And I’d be prepared. I’d be ready with my cherry chap stick.

Ok, that’s pretty much it. See it doesn’t sound quite as funny as it looks piled up next to my lap top. Of course, this time I also brought socks in. Wait! It can get cold in the law school! What if my feet got cold? I would never be able to concentrate with cold feet.

So there you have it. Me and my crazy, over-prepared pile of stuff to get me through four hours that pass faster than a sit com. I never did bring in band-aids. . . maybe I should do that next time.

The Last Day

Today marked the last day of classes for my first year of law school. Yes, there are still two weeks filled with finals before the year is officially over, but being done with classes so that I can concentrate on outlining and studying for those finals feels good. From the ending day, I found that I most appreciated an editorial that the Dean of the law school (also our civil procedure II professor) read to us just before the end of class. The editorial denounced the idea that high grades translate into success in life. It was moving for me, not only because I know it to be true, but because I so much appreciated him taking the time to remind us of it as we sit down to prepare for the high stakes tests that will be (for all practical purposes) the sole determination of our entire grade. I know that many believe that the structure of the high stakes tests and the rankings in law school can’t (or shouldn’t) be changed, and although I disagree, I do appreciate that the Dean of our law school is not only cognizant of the problem, but also willing to share his viewpoint with us. I felt perhaps like my third graders felt when I would shuffle them off to the ISTEP testing room, reassuring them that their performance would not be life shattering.

That said, over the next few weeks, I will likely be a hermit as I try to catch up from what has been a very emotionally draining semester for me. And while I do that, I will likely take study breaks to blog (albeit somewhat incoherently) and to read email. In fact, as I study with my laptop I am likely to check email at a ridiculously high rate. So please feel free to email me (at the gmail account). Please feel free to forward stupid jokes to me. Please feel free to send me links to good stuff. Email will be my lifeline for the next few weeks. And there is nothing worse than checking your email after twenty minutes and finding nothing new!

The Donuts

Tonight my dad was out taking pictures of the moon over Jesse Hall, when I called him with some happy news.  He realized it was nearly eleven at night and decided to stop at the gas station for Krispy Kreme Donuts. . . which are due to arrive at eleven (please don’t ask me how we know that).  As he sat for twenty minutes, waiting for the donuts to arrive, he called me from the parking lot and reported that people were driving up, looking in the window at the donut case and driving away.  Others would get out of their cars, walk around the store three or four times, stopping at each lap to gaze at the donut display case.  Apparently people only go into the gas station after eleven to buy donuts or beer.  I laughed so hard and it made me feel so good.  It is just this silly little moment, when we are all up later than we should be, getting ready to eat things that we shouldn’t, that makes me appreciate the relationship and friendship I have with my parents.  

Billie's Birthday

Billie has a birthday this week. Of course her name is not Billie anymore. And as many times as I try to reconstruct it and as good as I am with dates, I can’t quite let myself know how old she will be. I suppose for me, she will always be suspended somewhere between six and eight. Somewhere between being taken from her mother’s home, fighting, surviving the onslaught of a system that has no common sense idea of when parental rights should be terminated and being severed with finality from the teachers and substitute families that she clung to for those two years. Each year at this time, I try not to remember what the system did to Billie. (And to all of us) Instead I remember the power of Billie to cope and survive despite the atrocities of her childhood combined with the system that cut two years out of her life without every letting her say goodbye. I remember Billie's passion-defining untold story and all that it taught me. I wonder what Billie remembers?

Motherless Child
(Peter, Paul and Mary)

Sometimes I feel like a motherless child
Sometimes I feel like a motherless child
Sometimes I feel like a motherless child
A long way from home, a long way from home.
Sometimes I feel like I’m almost gone
Sometimes I feel like I’m almost gone
Sometimes I feel like I’m almost gone
A long way from home, a long way from home.
Sometimes I feel like a mournin’ dove
Sometimes I feel like a mournin’ dove
Sometimes I feel like a mournin’ dove
A long way from home, a long way from home.
Sometimes I feel like an eagle in the air
Sometimes I feel like an eagle in the air
Sometimes I feel like an eagle in the air
A long way from home, a long way from home.
Sometimes I feel like a motherless child
Sometimes I feel like a motherless child
Sometimes I feel like a motherless child
A long way from home, a long way from home.

The Rummikubs

Tonight I played rummikubs for the first time since January. I am so impatient with the time it takes to heal. Who am I kidding, I am impatient with everything. But I am not impatient with rummikubs. I just really like the process of thinking through a complex move and then being able to put it into play. I like moving the numbers around in my head and finding different solutions to combinations. I am glad to find someone else who also enjoys the game.

I am also glad that spring is here. I am a little sad that it is FREEZING in my apartment, though. There is something not right when I have to wear long underwear and a sweatshirt inside, but could go outside and wear short sleeves. Thank you, upstairs, temperature-controlling neighbors! I will survive!

The Energy

I am so filled with energy, enthusiasm, and excitement. There are so many things I am excited about that I keep meaning to write each day, and then each day slips away from me without me sharing all that is going on. So I am going to blurb it. . .stream of consciousness style.

• The movie: Tonight I saw The Lost Boys of the Sudan. Wow. I heard about it in some mass email from the jewish student organization. It was a tiny blurb, noting that the JSO was cosponsoring the film with the black cultural center. I grabbed Darryl and Sara and off we went. It was compelling. I loved it. You must see it. Shockingly, we were the only three people at the screening except for the people running the film. There are emotional, poignant moments in the movie that truly affected me. The moments that touched me the most. . . I wish that I could write about the movie in the way that could make you feel what I felt while I watched it, but my mind tonight moves so much faster than my fingers. Listening to the boys talking on the phone to each other and to their relatives in the refuge camps in Kenya. . . watching the boys learn how to work a factory job. . . seeing the boys Americanized over the course of the year. . . feeling the disappointment of the boys who thought they were coming for an education but were not supported in their pursuit of it. . .experiencing the grace of the boys as they were cut from basketball teams, their rent checks went missing, and their friends abandoned them. . . hearing the hope of the boys who wanted to return to their home and their village and install electricity after taking a correspondence course.

• The Summer: This summer I am going to intern at the Department of Elementary and Secondary Education. When I visited with them over spring break, I felt an immediate connection. It felt like me. It felt like where I want to be and what I want to be doing. I will work on various tasks from sorting through the paper work from one of the longest running desegregation cases to NCLB issues to preparing for a conference presentation on recent education case law. It is everything that I want to do. Admittedly, it is a little anxiety provoking, as a former teacher, to think that I will be spending my summer learning about the state level of education. But, it is also invigorating. This whole summer job looking process has made me realize that I came here to do something. I opened my mind to different possibilities, but now I am ready to be really re-focused on making a difference. It was amazing to be with the legal people at the state level and hear them talking about remembering that the bottom line is working on doing what is best for the kids. I am also working part time as a research assistant to earn the money required for in state tuition, so the summer will be busy, busy, busy. But, I am actually excited about the research as well. It may sound dorky, but I like research.

• The next two years: At first, I was disappointed with the choices and the scheduling and the hassle of thinking about the next two years of law school. Now I am thrilled. I thought that I couldn’t find anything that I wanted to take, but now I am really excited about the classes I am talking both in the fall and the winter. I’ve looked beyond the scheduling conflict and am really starting to think about some of the issues I will get to learn about. . . Education law. . . gender and the law. . . fair housing. . .employment discrimination. . .family law. . . constitutional law. I am getting very excited about my second year. I also found a class outside the law school called “History of U.S. Educational Policy.” I gained permission from the Dean to take the course and have emailed with the professor. Her husband is a lawyer and she thinks that I will really enjoy the course. I am always happiest when I am making my own path, when I decide what I want to do, focus, and pursue it. I am finally getting there with the law school thing. Of course, I got there through so many conversations with so many people who have been encouraging, engaging, and supportive. Thank you.

Now the only thing bothering me is that my blog toolbar has disappeared from Word. If you know how to get it back, please comment me!

The Registration Process

I am so frustrated with the registration process.  There are three classes that I want to take in the fall:  Education law, Children and the Law, and The Family Violence Clinic.  Guess what?  They all meet at the same time.  I have emailed the Dean in charge of conflicting schedules, but to no avail.  It seems to me that the same pool of people would want to take each of these classes, as they all have something to do with children and the law.  But it just doesn’t seem that there is anything they can do about it.  I know that I am just being whiny about what I want, but it really frustrates me that I can only take ONE out of THREE classes I am interested in.

I will take education law.  It is only offered every other year, so this is my only chance to take it.  Unfortunately, next year “children and the law” conflicts with “civil rights law”. . .so I will not be able to take them both.  Whine, whine, whine.  

When I read this, it makes it sound worse than it is.  I guess I just feel like I am out there trying to figure out what to take on my own.  I probably have not sought out enough guidance on the issue.  We register on Friday for fall semester and this is my plan.  Feel free to weigh in, as your opinion is probably more thought out than my own.

Education Law
Constitutional law
Professional Responsibility
Externship at the Missouri School Board Association
Gender Law    

The Spring Break

To my friends and family in Bloomington:

Thank you for the soul nourishing spring break.  You reminded me of all the reasons I wanted to come to law school and of all the reasons that I wanted to be in Columbia.  You reminded me of all that I left behind, but also of all that I have to look forward to.  You reminded me that grades and ranks do not define me.  You reminded me of the importance of family and friends.  You reminded me that we share common beliefs and values.  You reminded me that I am not old.  You reminded me that when we are all drowning it does not matter who is drowning more, and when we are swimming we should reach out to those who are not.  You reminded me of relationships built on trust.  You reminded me that shared histories can bridge into new relationships.  You reminded me that you are the audience for this blog, and that even when you don’t comment, you are reading.  You reminded me that if my car breaks down, people will be there with jumper cables. (Ok, that one is literal – thanks Kandi and Ron).  This was truly the best vacation since starting law school (of course it didn’t end in a shocking break up either. . . so it might be like comparing apples and oranges).  But honestly, it felt so good to spend time with all of you.  It felt so good to be myself and not feel apologetic for that.  Thank you.  I miss you already.  

The Spring Snow

It’s spring and it’s snowing.  The great thing about a last burst of cold in the spring is that when it’s over you appreciate the spring that much more.  I can’t wait to wear capris and t-shirts.  I can’t wait to walk the dogs and not want to rush back inside.  I can’t wait until Spring Break (Just four days and one humungous appellate brief away).  Anybody interested in a happy hour in Bloomington on Saturday?  

The Seventh Grade

What is it about law school that makes me feel like I am in seventh grade?  Is it the lockers or the cliques?  Is it the backstabbing or the snubbing?  Is it the gossip or the competition?  The worst part for me?  That lately I’ve felt that I am just as afflicted with the seventh grade illness as everybody else.  Recently I even found myself asking other people, “Do you think he likes me?”  Ppppppllllleeeeaaasse!  Save me now! Maybe I should just send him a note (through two or three friends) with a little yes/no box! I hate it when I don’t act like me.  

Three Pluses and a Wish

Last week in review:  

+ A Saturday evening conversation that made me smile and laugh.

+ The possibility of a part time job doing something I want to do.

+ Buying more fun clothes at the NEW Kohls.

Wish: That I had written a hundred things that I thought of immediately after my Property exam was over.

The Hope

I usually write my blog entries in my mind as I walk between the parking lot and the law school and back again.  But lately, I find that the things that pop into my head are hard to articulate and harder to share.  They span the spectrum from law school to first dates, from ancient history to a far away future.  Gene read my blog recently and left me some phone message about how he was so happy that I was “so happy,” and I thought, “Am I so happy?”  And the truth is that some days, in some moments I am “so happy.”  Other days I am not “so happy.”  Overall, I’m not as happy as I usually find myself to be, but I’ve never been good at admitting that.  The tendrils of my life are frighteningly unraveled and I am having trouble finding (and holding onto) the eternal sense of hope that has guided me through moments so much worse than these.  The energy (and determination) to keep reaching for that elusive hope is at times exhausting.  And really, who wants to read or write about that?  

The chapter

I got an email from an editor, wanting my latest draft of a chapter I wrote a lifetime ago.  After slogging through two computers and various files, a few old pictures, some transcripts and various other memory-revealing odds and ends, I found the draft of the chapter.  It began with the following personal vignette:

When I was in sixth grade I “studied” Belgium. It was a long project, one filled with days and weeks of “research” which culminated into a presentation where I wore my hair in braids.  I no longer know the gross national product of Belgium, nor do I remember the main export or import.  What I do remember is that Linda cornered me in the girl’s bathroom and ridiculed my braids.  I also remember that it took me a long time to learn how to deal with Linda in the bathroom, a lot longer than it took me to learn how to look up a fact in an encyclopedia and transfer it into my own words.

I reread the rest of the chapter and thought of peace and power, of perpetrators, bystanders, allies, and targets.  I thought of how that framework seeped through my classroom and into the lives of all of us.  I thought of when I sat in a circle and cried with my class and told them that teaching them to act for social justice had made me ready to do so.  I thought about how each one of them could own their acts as perpetrators even as they strived to be allies.  I thought of disrupting the commonplace.  I thought of acting for social justice.  I thought of interrogating multiple viewpoints. I thought of focusing on socio political viewpoints.  I thought of writing again.  

Today

Today the sun streamed through my windows
and woke me gently from my slumber.
Today the clouds are like a patchwork quilt in the sky.
Today seems like yesterday, only better.  
What will come tomorrow?

The Gmail Ad

Gmail rocks my world. Why was I so reluctant to change? Because everything is archived, all I have to do is remember one distinguishable word from an email, or a person’s name, and I can find anything. I don’t have to remember what folder I put it in or how old the email is. I am so easily pleased! I know it seems silly, but it really has made a difference in my effectiveness at email. Here’s how I use gmail:

1. I forward anything that I want to keep from other email accounts to gmail and then immediately archive them. I know that I can find it again quickly simply by searching (I.E. online game password)


2. As soon as I get emails from friends and whatnot, I keep them in my inbox until I can respond. Each evening, I run down the list and do all the quick responses. Then I archive the email, knowing that it is the other person’s turn.

The Birthday: Part II

The Call Back Drama

I’ve tried to write this thing so many times in the last few days. Have you ever had so many thoughts and ideas that you can’t put them all into words and sentences and paragraphs? The last few days have been filled with soul searching, internal strife, and the self realizations that accompany that. It has been productive, but emotionally draining. Aren’t most growth experiences?

I received two call backs from BIG law firms. One was for a KC office and the other was for a Jeff City office. Instead of feeling thrilled at the opportunities, I found myself sick to my stomach. This illness grew inside of me as I read and learned more about one of the firms in particular. Included in their practice areas are toxic tort (where they defend corporations against individuals who have suffered cancer, immune diseases, cognitive and attention deficits as a result to exposure to PCBs, lead and other toxins) and Labor and Employment (where they not only defend corporations against individuals who bring sexual or race discrimination suits, but also have a specialty in union avoidance programs and union decertification proceedings). And for this experience, I could be paid 10-15 thousand dollars. I’m not going to lie to you. These are the things I have said to myself (and things other people have said to me) to try to convince me to go:

• I can do anything for 10 weeks.


• I will be such a better lawyer for learning how the other side thinks


• I will be sure when I am done of what I don’t want to do


• I can earn enough money this summer to do public interest work next summer


• BIG law firms spend a lot of time and money on pro bono issues


• Once you go to a BIG firm, you can write your own ticket

So a couple of days ago, I decided I would go to the call back. And I let the decision sit for 24 hours. And I felt sick. Yes, I can do anything for 10 weeks. But what do I need from this summer? And that is when I realized that as much as I have loved the intellectual stimulation of law school, I have mourned the loss of the passion that I felt in the classroom. The lost of that passion is eating away at me. And what I need, if I am going to continue in this field of law, is to find that passion again. I don’t have passion for contracts or property. I have passion for children and people in poverty and civil rights and social justice. And if I hope to come back to law school next summer, that is where I need to be.

That said, I finally found the nerve to meet with the career folks today, and laid it all down for them. They were actually very supportive. So here’s where I am on the summer:

1. I have applied for a 4000 dollar stipend to do public interest (children, families, people in poverty) work in St. Louis this summer, which I should hear about any day.


2. I will turn down the BIG law firm (described above) for their call back interview.


3. I am waiting for the other firm to determine whether they have a place for a call back for me in St. Louis (instead of Jeff City), where they actually have a family law division (a compromise I might make for $15,000).


4. If I don’t get the stipend or the other big (this one is actually not BIG) firm position, I will start sending out my resume to firms that handle education law for the St. Louis school district. (Hopefully with my background. . . )

I don’t know who (if anybody) reads this thing anymore, but if this blog is going to mean anything to me, it has to be a place where I can write and think and reflect honestly and openly about what I am going through with this whole law school thing. My concern in writing this is that I know there are people in law school who passionately want these positions. I am grateful for the opportunities that I have been given and I completely respect (without judgment) those who want these positions. (How did that sound for a somewhat lawyerly disclaimer?)

As music so often does, the following song has haunted me as I have researched the firm described above:

Labor Day
words & music by John McCutcheon & Si Kahn

In school we learn the well-known names
The ones whose money was their fame
Who ran the railroads, bought the West
Today we mention all the rest
Who blazed the trail that brought us here
Whose family names we'll never hear
Who laid the track and dug the coal
The brain and muscle, heart and soul

Chorus
Labor Day, Labor Day
September or the first of May
To all who work this world we say
Happy Labor Day

The ones who work behind the plow
The ones who stand and will not bow
The ones who care for home and child
The ones who labor meek and mild
The ones who work a thousand ways
That we might celebrate this day
The ones who raise our cities tall
For those who labor, one and all

Chorus

In history books I often find
That children worked in mill and mine
No time to play, to learn, or grow
Just send 'em in or down below
Today too many have forgot
The goals for which our parents fought
When I grow up I hope to be
As strong as those who fought for me

Chorus

The Birthday

I had sixty candles, but she wouldn't let me put them all on.

Happy Birthday Mom!

The Sunday Stream

Sundays continue to be my hard day.  I suspect, in part, because I need to be working on all this school work that I have put off all weekend.  On Monday I soar to class and am usually very up.  Sunday I go to bed early, because I just want the day to end.  I am really torn up about the decisions I will need to make in the next few months about what I want to do with this law career.  A friend told me this evening that his sister went to law school to be a child advocate.  She does real estate law now.  What will I do?  Will it be meaningful?  Will it bring me happiness?  Will it matter?  I’ve been told that by having a high ranking, all options are open to me.  Why do I feel more like as my debt increases, the options I want are withering?  

The Interviews: Day Three

I had three interviews today.  I feel like now I am getting into the groove of this – as it ends.  The first interview today was a total bomb.  He asked me which classes I liked and when I told him property, he honestly said, “Property class sucks, how could you possible like that.  You don’t learn anything.”  Then when I told him how excited I was to be in law school where my brain was being challenged, he said, “Oh that will pass, you will be sick of it soon.”  Next he asked me about myself and what I like to do outside of law school.  After chatting up some hobbies, he asked about sports.  What sports teams do I like?  I didn’t feel like this was something I could fake, because this was honestly something I know nothing about.  NOTHING!  There was a loooooonnnnnnggg silence.  So, that firm’s pretty much out.  

My next interview was with the state public defender.  I thought this interview went really well.  It was the ONLY interview where I left feeling excited about what they were doing.  Gee, that’s a big surprise, I actually would prefer work with a state agency doing real good then at a BIG firm.  I know you are probably as shocked as I am.  Well anyway, one of the interviewers for the state public defender was actually PASSIONATE about what he did.  Their suggestion for me?  Working in the juvenile department.  It sounds fantastic.  It sounds wonderful.  I would be interacting with kids and making a difference.  Downside?  No pay.  Zero.  Nata.  NOTHING.  I want to be able to work for free, but I am already in such debt.  I wish I could figure out a way to swing this.  WHY DO WE PAY THOSE WHO DO THE MOST MEANINGFUL THINGS THE LEAST AMOUNT OF MONEY!!!!!!!???????

So I came out of the public defender interview with an incredible high and soared into my last BIG firm interview.  This interview was actually the best BIG firm interview, mostly because they sent an actual partner to do the interview.  This was the first interview where the questions were creative.  I so value creativity.

In other interview news, three people have already received call backs for the Springfield division of one of the BIG firms.  I sigh in relief that I was not one of them.  Believe it or not, I am actually hopeful not to get a call back, because I fear the seduction of the money may be enough to bend my will.  I can’t tell you how many times over the last three days, I have asked myself “Why am I interviewing?”

The Interviews: Day Two

Today I was actually interviewed by a woman. I asked her about how women are treated in BIG law firms. She said that at her firm there is not difference in treatment. Which she mentioned was both good and bad. It is good because you aren’t kept from doing the work that you want to do. It is bad because there is no consideration of family obligations. Although the firm does have a part time program, nobody has ever tried it. I also received a thank you email from one of the BIG law firms. I guess I better get my thank you cards out and get to work. Tomorrow. After interviewing I made a little jaunt into St. Louis, which was so much fun on so many levels. Now I must sleep and prepare for three interviews tomorrow. . . er. . . later today. . .I will keep you posted.

The Interviews: Day One

Today began the three day process of BIG firm interviews.  Here’s how it works.  Several weeks ago, we were asked if we wanted to apply for summer jobs.  Well, asked, isn’t exactly the right word.  We were encouraged.  It would be such “good interviewing practice.”  Seven BIG firms from Kansas City and St. Louis collect resumes (top 10-25% of the class need only apply), pick eight or nine people to interview and it all gets crammed into three days the I shall now refer to as interview hell.  But, I will be smiling my big smile as I refer to it that way, because I have been smiling non stop through three interviews today.  Here’s the low down on the 1L interview process.  Basically, as I now understand it, three interviews in, there are a bazillion students applying for one to ten jobs.  We are competing with students from much more prestigious law schools (as in Wash U in St. Louis for starters) and all the jobs are for BIG law firms.  Some of which do not even have a family law or education law division.  During those interviews I stared across the table and thought, “Why am I here?”  

So, here’s the lowdown on how the whole job thing seems to work with BIG law firms.  If you get the 1L summer position, it pays big bucks.  (Comparatively to my previous teaching employment, anyway).  At some of these firms you can make between $1000-1600 a week for the summer.  Yes, Virginia, A WEEK!  I checked the figures a few times.  I remember when I was thrilled to get $100 stipend to attend a summer conference.  But let’s not forget that some of these firms only have ONE position for ALL the applicants from EVERYWHERE in the U.S!  I’m not a mathematician, but those ain’t good odds.  Anyway, this is how the BIG law firms, around these parts, hire.  They might bring you on as a 1L, or possibly during your 2L summer and then 90% of those folks are offered a position with the BIG law firm.  That would be about a $100,000 a year position to start.  Downside?  You have to bill approximately 2000 hours a year.  Which works out, with vacations and administrative non-billing hours to be a 70 hour work week.  Ouch.  Then again, how many times did I put in close to 70 hours in the classroom?  Another downside?  You have just sold your soul to a BIG law firm.

I’m not sure where I stand on the BIG law firms yet.  I’m trying to keep an open mind.  There are lots of opportunities to do BIG pro bono work from a BIG law firm.  There are lots of BIG law firms that represent school districts fighting issues of NCLB.  If I wanted to really pursue this fight, it would only happen through a BIG law firm.  One of the BIG law firms is representing parents of special needs children, making sure that they receive services from the state.  Another BIG law firm has a family law division and makes lots of adoptions happen.  Could I pursue making a difference in areas of foster care through this avenue? Am I having the wool pulled over my eyes?

So the interviews went something like this.  First, today there were only male interviewers, which irked me quite a bit.  After handshake and introductions, they asked me three questions.  1.  Tell us about yourself (READ – do you plan to settle in the Midwest?) 2.  Tell us why you left teaching for law school.  AND 3. Tell us about your experience in Africa.  After these questions were out of the way, they gave their “Our BIG law firm is the best BIG law firm and the culture here isn’t like any other BIG law firm and we go out for happy hours and ball games and all hang out together” talk.  It was persuasive.  

The Stuff

Last night we went out for sushi and dancing. I forgot how much I like dancing. I always pretend that I don’t like it, and then I get there and I always have the best time. I never forget how much I like sushi. I also went shopping yesterday and got several new fun going out clothes. And new boots. New black shiny boots. New boots are fun, too.

And then I got a package with the first set of my stuff being returned from Mike. And that was like getting new stuff too. Except it was my stuff and I just haven’t seen it in a month. Like a people magazine from December 19. If anybody wants to borrow it, just let me know. Or a set of holiday bows that cost $2.00. Thank goodness I got those back.

The stuff swap is such a weird thing. For me, it’s about closure. Especially in this case. I left things in Florida, expecting to be back there in two weeks. He had to have a pretty good idea when I left that I wouldn’t be back. But he waited until I was gone to tell me. Now I feel like a part of me can’t keep pushing forward, until I can picture him without memories of me strewn across his apartment. Maybe the bows and the people magazine made him feel that way, too. Or maybe he just thought I was being petty and thought he would make a statement. Or maybe he didn’t think about it all, and just grabbed what looked like mine and threw it in the box. The thing about the end of relationships is that you never really do get to know what the other person is thinking again. And that’s hard for me. Harder than losing what I had with someone is losing who I thought they were. So I sit, surrounded by my bows, rereading about why Brad Pitt is adopting and think about where I am and where I’m going.

I think about law school and my on campus interviews next week. I think about my crash course back into the world of dating. I think about girls night out and new clothes. I think about how much weight I’ve lost this month. I try really hard not to think about Mike and what I thought we had. I think a lot - maybe too much.

The Hypos

Who would have thunk Criminal Law would be so. . so. . . so. . .

A child chased down the road by a dog. She runs towards the open door of a stranger’s house. The homeowner, aware of her plight, slams the door in the child’s face. In determining legal responsibility, should it matter whether the homeowner, aware of the child’s situation, closes an open door or simply fails to open a closed one?

X stabs Y, a woman he does not realize is pregnant. X has the intent to kill Y. Y does not die, but later gives birth to the child who dies several months later of complications from the stab wound. Does X have the necessary legal intent to be convicted of killing the baby?

The bad aim case: H intends to kill G, but with his bad aim, he actually kills the innocent bystander J. While it is clear that H can be convicted of murdering J, can he also be charged with attempted murder of G? What if the bullet killed both of them? Could G be prosecuted for two counts of INTENT to kill for the actions of one bullet?

My brain hurts.

The Science Museum

Today I did not study. Today I did not open a book. Tomorrow I might regret it, but today I drove four hours round trip to go to the science museum in St. Louis. I don’t like to drive, but I did like the science museum. I love that it is free and I could go for just a little while without feeling like I wasted my money. I loved to see all the kids and grownups, all having a mini adventure just like me. Despite my dislike of driving, my head was full of daydreams and my IPOD was on shuffle, and the time really flew by. It’s funny how that shuffle thing works. For months, I waited for “The Woman He Loves” by Alabama to come on and never heard it once. (Did I just admit to the entire world that I actually like a country song? Trust me - it is just an anomaly). Of course today the song came on. But instead of not wanting to hear it, I just kept thinking: You can tell a lot about a man, by the woman he lets go.

I really do like the song, not in the weird dominating way in which it's presented, but more in a way of expressing that you can tell a lot about anybody by the people that they choose to be with (or without). We are all defined by the choices that we make, even when others don't know or understand those choices. In fact, sometimes I believe that we are most defined by the choices we make when no one is watching. Which is ironic, because our only window into understanding others is by looking at their outward expressions of their choices. All right, I might be reading a little much into it, but music is like that, sometimes it makes you think about more than you actually hear. (That and crim law has me on this weird philosophical bent) Here are the lyrics:

You can tell a lot about a man
By the woman he loves
'Cause nothing else shows a part of his soul
Like she does
And she'd be the one to swear that he hung
The moon above

Yeah you can tell a lot about a man
By the woman he loves
She knows him inside out
The things he dreams about
And makes them come true when she can
She knows all of his faults
The demons he's fought
With nothin' but his hard-workin' hands

And he calls out her name
In passion and pain
She makes him stronger each time
Yeah it's there on her lips
And her fingertips
That she's with him to 'til end of the line

(chorus)

Yeah you can tell a lot about a man
By the woman he loves
He loves
He always loves

The First Week of Classes

The first full week of classes draws to a close and I can’t imagine doing this for another 2.5 years.  Although my body attended classes beginning last Thursday, my mind only joined in yesterday.  This was certainly not the start to classes that I envisioned, but I am upbeat and excited to get into the groove now.  So the lowdown is that classes seem really different this semester.  I certainly felt by the end of last semester that I was getting into the groove, or at least understanding what was going on.  This semester it feels like all the rules have changed.  Now we are expected to do nearly double the reading, and they actually get to everything.  I already feel like I am careening on a rollercoaster – except that I like that.  So here is the class overviews, thus far:

Lawering:  Still don’t know what this class is going to be about.  We have met once, and the professor just made a big deal about how great it is to take a class about the profession that we have chosen.  Then we got some cookies, and our partner had to negotiate to get them from us.  The text is not in yet and nobody seems to know when it will be in.  This class ranks low in terms of stress thus far.

Advocacy and Research: Again, only been to this class once.  This is with the same students and same professor as Legal Research and Writing from last semester.  On the first day she handed back our Memos from first semester (I have not looked at mine yet) and talked to us about how NOT to focus on grades.  Love her!  This semester we will be writing a lot – big surprise.  We will also have to present our appellate brief in moot court.  I envision a lot of preparation there and I don’t even need a crystal ball.

Property: I like my professor, but the cases are long to read and we don’t spend very much time on them.  Translation – lots of reading with little bang for your buck.  I haven’t quite figured out what is important and what isn’t important in the readings, so I either take copious notes or none at all.  When he calls on people in the class, he goes down the row so you have some sort of head up if he’s coming your way.  

Criminal Law: I cried through the entire first set of readings.  Now, one might want to blame this on my recovering emotional state, but really no one liked those readings.  The readings are over 20 pages each night, and we actually seem to get through most of the material.  There has been a lot of philosophy thus far, which I am really not getting.  There are all these concepts about punishment:  Who to punish, who not to punish, how to punish, etc.  And then they are all linked to utilitarian or retributivist schools of thought.  I definitely have a lot more to say about Crim Law, and will probably make it the subject of its own posting this weekend.

Civil Procedure II:  Last semester, these seemed like the hardest readings. Now they are the easiest.  Maybe just because I am not used to how the other texts are written?  Civil Procedure continues to grow on me, mostly because it is like the latticework that holds all the other issues.  We have started with class action suits - Federal Rule of Civil Procedure #23.  It makes sense, unlike everything else right now, but sometimes it is hard to understand the way the professor asks the questions.  

My goal is to read until my eye sockets swell up and start to bleed this weekend (nice visual huh), but first I am going to take a hot bath and go to one of the student bar association happy hours.  Cheers!

The Movie Recommendation

1964
Send Me No Flowers.
Rock Hudson and Doris Day.
It will make you smile.
I love old movies.

The Sometimes

Sometimes it’s hard for me to be the person that I want to be. Sometimes its hard not to be angry or frustrated or disappointed, but to be forgiving and resilient and happy. Sometimes its hard to continue to view people in a positive light, despite the fact that they turned off the switch. Sometimes it’s hard to write on my blog, when all I want to say is mean and hurtful things, but I don’t want to be one of those people that just uses this very public space to say mean and hurtful things. In fact, I don’t want to be the sort of person that even thinks those mean and hurtful things. Sometimes its hard to be upbeat late at night and early in the morning. Sometimes it’s hard to look to the future instead of dwelling on the past. Sometimes it’s hard not to be able to use the kitchen sink. . . hmmm. . . well that is always hard.

The What Ifs

What if I hadn’t been home today when the hot water unattached itself from under the sink, filling my cabinet with water?  What if I hadn’t known how to fight my way through the spray to turn the water off?  What if I had a better mop to clean up with?  What if my trash can wasn’t filled with water?

I should be reading about The Queen v. Dudley and Stephens for my first criminal law class tomorrow.  

The Breaking and the Mending

Mending

A giant hand inside my chest
Stretches out and takes
My heart within its mighty grasp
And squeezes till it breaks.

A gentle hand inside my chest,
With mending tape and glue
Patches up my heart until
It’s almost good as new.

I ought to know by now that
Broken hearts will heal again.
But while I wait for glue and tape,
The Pain!
The Pain!
The Pain!

-By Judith Viorst

Somewhere between shopping for engagement rings and a rousing round of rummikub, Mike decided that the love he has for me is not the kind that lasts for a lifetime. By the way, that’s gentleman speak for, “Gee it turns out that there’s something I really don’t like about you, but I’m way to polite to say what.” I hold my heart in my hands and begin the steps of mending.

The Lines

FRD was here and gone before I even had time to catch my breath. Mike and I took him to Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure on a one day pass. It was insane and by 3:00 all of our feet were dragging. However, we were incredibly fortunate with the lines. We went on a Wednesday. By 12:00 we had ridden everything worth riding at Islands of Adventure with virtually no waiting. Seriously, the longest part of the wait was walking to the front of the line. We kept looking at all the aisles and walking past them and kept wondering if the lines actually got that long. At noon, we balked at a 30 minute wait to ride Spiderman a second time and headed over to Universal Studios. There we were on and off the Mummy and Twister with no wait for either one. When we went to MIB, there was a wait of about 30 minutes. We almost walked away, but somebody pointed out that they had a singles line. We got in the singles line and were all on the first ride with yet again no wait. I kept marveling at our luck and both FRD and Forrest thought I was jinxing it, but it actually held through the whole afternoon. We went back to Islands of Adventure and found the singles line at Spiderman and actually rode it several more times. I have NEVER had a theme park adventure like this. The longest wait of the entire day was when FRD and I stood in line for almost 20 minutes to ride in the FRONT of the dueling dragon rollercoaster for our last ride. It was unbelievable.